Caged Lark
by o-dragon
Summary: Protected from the knowledge that Ichimaru is Kiri's father, she is not willing to accept him so easily into her life. Especially under the current circumstances- him breaking her mother's heart and his betrayal of soul society. DISCONTINUED
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor will I ever own Bleach. I also do not own _"Never Alone"._ That song belongs solely to BarlowGirl. I do however own my characters. Thank you!**

**Dec. 18. 08. Wow. This is the first story I've posted in over a year at least. At least it's good, and I plan on completing my upload of all the chapters before I just stop uploading...unlike my other stories....**

**Pairings: IchimaruxOC, KiraxOC. There are no self-inserts. **

**I've been workin on this since about September, and I'm really proud of it. I hope you like it, too. Please comment!**

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_And though I can not see you  
and I can't explain why.  
Such a deep, deep reassurance  
You've placed in my life  
We cannot separate  
'Cause you're part of me._

_~"Never Alone" by BarlowGirl_

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**Caged Lark- Chapter 1**

_This would be so much easier if I didn't like him this much…_ I thought as I jumped from the ledge of my window to the soft grass below.

I landed on the balls of my feet, my body bending to absorb the impact. My fingers just barely brushed the blades of grass before I stood straight again. I quickly looked back up towards my window. The curtains fluttered in the slight breeze, but no lights came on in the other windows which would signal that others knew of my escape.

I took off running. I had my robe on but a kimono underneath. If anyone saw me I would just pretend to be out on an evening stroll. That was all. If a friend of the family, like Kuchiki-taicho saw me, however, my little adventure would be over. So I knew I had to be swift and silent.

There was no use hiding my reitsu. Seeing as how I was never able to attend the academy I didn't know how to do the small things that would have made a difference. Hiding my spiritual pressure was one of them.

My feet padded against the grass which slowly grew to be concrete. I would have to wash away the dirt and grass later. That was for sure. If mother found out…!

_This would be so much better if I didn't like him,_ I thought again, peeping around a buildings' cornerstone to see if anyone was coming. _Bad thing is, I do like him. _Seeing no one, I began running again. I knew I had to be quick, though. Shinigami would be patrolling above and on this ground level. My feet- it sounded like they were thundering on this still, quiet night- carried me over the pavement until I was under the cover of a captain's office and into shadows again.

I tried to quiet my breathing as I listened for any small sound that would tip me off of someone's approach. Besides not being able to feel their reitsu, one of the worst parts about not being a shinigami myself were those flash-steps. They always snuck up on me! Oh how I wish I could have gone to the academy. But mother never allowed it. I needed to focus on becoming a "lady".

Straining my ears to the smallest sound, I tried to listen. But I had noticed on earlier trips like these that the harder you listen, the less you will hear. Thinking it safe, I wandered from my cover and out into the moonlight again. On these types of trips I wished the moon would disappear; there was too much light. And the stars above didn't help either.

I tried to slow my pace now. I had to be careful. This was like a shinigami breeding ground. I knew I would have to be discreetly alert for anyone or anything coming my way. Especially that Kuchiki. I could have growled. It was hard to match my pace to a normal gait. I could feel my legs wanting to stretch out and run to him. To close the distance between us in seconds rather than minutes. However, I could not do this or I would be tattled on. I tried to even my breathing, taking big, deep breaths in an effort to calm me.

It worked a little too well.

While I was trying to focus on my "evening stroll facade", I lost my concentration on being alert. Before I could properly react, Kyōraku-taicho was strolling past me. I realized this a second too late and couldn't flee the street without being noticed. My mind longed for the safety of the shadows. Instead, I was out in the open; a vulnerable animal.

_Shit!_ I thought, I knew the words could be seen clearly on my face even as I tried to hide my expression. _Damned captains! I bet Kyōraku-taicho is doing this on purpose…!_

"Oh, why hello, Karin-chan," he smiled pleasantly. It was a look of pure evil. "Out for an evening stroll?"

He must have heard my excuse last time from Ukitake-taicho. The two were practically joined at the hip.

I tried to smooth over my expression as I bowed. He stopped just in front of me, smiling "evilly".

"Yes, sir. It's just such a nice evening." I lied carefully. Hopefully he wouldn't be able to notice. He studied my face carefully before sighing.

I knew it was a false hope.

"You're going to see Ichimaru-fukutaicho, aren't you?"

My expression wavered for a moment, hoping he'd see nothing but pure innocence there. The question was left hanging, however, and my expression finally fell to guilt.

"You won't say anything, will you?" I asked in a small voice. He was from a strict family, too. Surely he would understand…?

"Say anything about what?" he asked, curiosity in his voice, his smile all but disappeared. "You're just taking an evening stroll! Enjoying the night air! Am I right?" He didn't wait for an answer, but continued walking past me. "Byakuya-san is in his office." He said quietly as I turned to watch him leave. In a motion, he was gone.

While I was extremely grateful to him, on both accounts, seeing someone disappear that suddenly was unnerving. It always had been to me. But it just served as a reminder at how quickly shinigami could appear like that.

Shaking my train of thoughts from my head, I continued forward. While I kept alert and focused, I was able to walk care-free at the same time. I made a mental note to thank Kyōraku-taicho later for his kindness.

The corner ahead seemed to grow and consume my eyesight. Both my eyes were fixated on that. Making sure no one was around beforehand, I turned the corner. This time, I could run to the other end; this alley way was dark and no windows looked down on it.

Peeping around the corner at the far side, I saw no one approaching. Listening, I heard no footsteps. Trying to feel the air around me was pointless. Trying to do it would do nothing but aggravate my temper.

No one was there.

Rejection began to build in my chest, cutting off my thinking capabilities as well as my ability to breathe.

_Now wait a minute, Karin!_ I forced the words through my mind. _Maybe he was held up at the office or something. You never know! Maybe _you're _early._

_Or maybe he's late. _The words drowned out the positive, reasonable thoughts. _Maybe he's not coming at all._

_That would be a good thing, though. You're getting married in three weeks. And you have to stop this nonsense beforehand._

I knew the voice was right as I choked back the sobs that threatened to escape.

Just as I was about to turn around, however, two arms locked around my waist and a hand covered my mouth, cutting off my air supply. The sobs forgotten, I panicked. I could feel the strength of the person's arms' around my waist and I knew I couldn't break free if I tried.

Even if I did, though, what was I supposed to do? Run? He had snuck up on me, which meant he might be able to hide his reitsu and he could use flash-steps. I knew nothing about being a shinigami and would easily be killed if I tried to fight back.

I wished there was some way I could get the message to the captains. If I could get loose, would I have enough time to run screaming about the hunter? There was a slim chance. But would anyone regard it? There was a greater chance. If only I could get free! To die to protect others would be a worthy death, wouldn't it? Even from someone who couldn't protect others adequately.

Maybe if I licked his hand he would let me go….

"Hm, that's nice of ya." As soon as I heard his voice, piercing through my panic and thoughts of death, I calmed. My heart rate slowed and I felt I could breathe again. Even through his hand. Just having him beside me felt like the air had been restored to lifeless lungs. "Usually ya scream and try to fight. I greatly appreciate it."

He released me as he felt I was calming down and I immediately turned to see his face. Now that I could hear his voice, my heart hammered in my chest, anxious to see his face.

As I looked at him, my breath once again caught in my chest, and for a minute, I couldn't breathe. The moonlight, shining down from the heavens above illuminated his whole figure. His short hair, usually a pale purple color, seemed silver now. Silver like the moon. His eyes were open- he only ever opened them for me- and gazed down at my figure which took in his wealth of beauty. Gin was a full head or so taller than me, and as I watched, the corners of his mouth lifted up into one of his individual grins. I could feel the heat of my blood rush into my face as well as through my entire body as I stared at him. Whenever I was near him, I felt whole. Full. _Secure._ It was as if the impending wedding was just a nightmare from long ago. It felt as if the torment that I would receive from my mother- if she ever found out what I was doing- would be bearable. The breeze carried the edges of his uniform along for a short ride before his frame stopped it from flying away.

"Gin…" I whispered, my mind too blank to say anything else.

His grin widened, stopping my heart. I wondered without thinking, how to restart it again.

"What?" he said. His eyes captured mine in their red depths and held me there. They didn't hold any wonder, or hope, or love, but I knew he felt the same way about me that I did him. There was a softness to them when he looked at me. Not only that, but I knew he loved me in his actions and words. He loved me and I loved him. Passionately. "I came all the way here and ya jus' say my name?"

I grinned, too. I couldn't help it, really. His smile was just too intoxicating. My eyes softened.

"I thought you weren't coming." I said softly. I looked down to his chest in guilt and a tingle shot through my body in return. I lifted a hand to reach out for his arm. He took my hand instead and held it there between us. His fingers wrapped around and through mine, intertwining our hands. Gin stepped an inch or two closer so that our bodies were almost touching. I did the same. Our arms stayed there in between us, wrapped together like stone, never moving, never faltering. This is what love should be like. Not the arranged, loveless marriages.

I tried to push my wedding and my fiancée to the back of my head. Tonight it would just be us. He also knew our time was almost up. It saddened me greatly to think about it, but I tried not to let it show.

_Just us. _I thought, looking up into Gin's face and forgetting all else.

"Of course I was comin'." He said, his voice smooth like satin. "Wanna go swimmin'?"

I smiled widely, my eyes sparkling. His expression mimicked mine. "Yes," I replied, stepping into his body. "Lets."

Gin wrapped a strong, secure arm around my waist, holding me to him. Our hands were still intertwined between us, his thumb stroking the back of my hand. He held me there for a moment before the world around us was flashing by in color.

I could feel the bone and muscle of his body working to run beneath me. Using flash-steps was something I only wished I knew how to do.

We sped through the world like that, not able to be followed by the eyes.

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**Please comment! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I don't own Bleach. The end.**

**Dec. 21. 08. When I first started writing this chapter waaaaay back in September, I would always giggle and laugh at the "intimate" scenes between the two. Not because I was immature (I'm 18 for crying out loud), but because I loved writing it. I've never written anything like this before. And then I realized my teacher would be looking at it. Therefore, I decided it should stay PG-13 and not Mature, like I had originally intended it to be. So there's some scenes in here that I went ahead and left in, but I made sure it stayed at PG-13. Plus, if my mom or sister ever found out I had written a Mature story I'd be off this site. Ergo, no Mature.**

**Also! Does anyone know how to edit these chapters? I accidentallyentered "Byakuya" as the Kuchiki that was in his office during the last chapter. It was actually Ginrei Kuchiki, Byakuya's grandfather. Byakuya was in the handwritten draft, which was written long before I figured out what time I wanted this to take place in. In case you didn't know- it may or may not become apparent later, I've sort of forgotten what is in the next chapter ^^; - it takes place a few years after the visoreds leave Soul Society.**

**Songs used to type this chapter (my "mood music" I need to type a chapter from it's original handwritten form): _It is you I have loved_ (Dana Glover),_ Requiem for a Dream_(Clint Mansell), _Frozen_ (Madonna), and _My World_ (SR-71) **

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**Caged Lark- ****Chapter 2**

The slight breeze raised goose bumps on my arms. Looking up at the starry sky, I couldn't see much. I could see the light of the moon, but its shape was distorted by the many branches between myself and it. Barely any light made it through to light the ground beneath the thick forest branches.

After stripping down to the bare essentials, I walked over mossy rocks and earth covered in grass to a small pond. Gin was there already, waiting for me in the water.

We had found this lake on one of our first night-time adventures. The water, crystal clear and warm to the cold air around us was transparent to the large boulders which made up its bottom. In some places, tree roots fell into the water from a tree sitting by the edge, almost as if it was cooling its feet after a long day.

The water wasn't very deep at all, maybe 8 feet in the deepest part. With the little light that fell upon us now, I could see Gin wore a white robe, pulled tight around his waist. The sleeves and long pant legs drifted around him as he tread water to stay above the surface. He was watching me carefully.

I came to the edge of the pool and dipped my foot in slowly. A shiver ran up my body from the point of entry, but it wasn't completely uncomfortable. I continued to wade in until I was walking along the bottom of the lake towards him. The water made more goose bumps stand straight up on my arms and legs. My own under dress drifted in the water, creating a dream-like illusion around us.

"This is nice," I said quietly. I knew my eyes would likely give me away, but I couldn't seem to change my thoughts. The impending wedding date was back on my mind.

"So that's what's been botherin' ya?" Gin asked, a mischievous smile playing across his face.

My eyes widened. _He could tell I was upset?_ I spoke my internal question and he replied, "Of course. Ya've been lookin' like ya were 'bout to cry all night."

I remained silent, looking into his eyes as I tread the water around me. "But I can fix that." I was sure that was coming next, almost wishing for it to come. To take me away to the place where only he and I existed.

He neared me, a grin stretching across his face. My face remained motionless as he pressed his lips softly against mine.

They were soft and his breath hot. I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled my face closer to his. My left hand found his hair and I pulled my fingers through it, locking them so his hair was caught there.

He kissed me passionately, soft and gentle at first, and then it slowly turned. I could feel impatience in his lips. I kissed him back, hoping our happy place would come quickly. One of his hands moved backwards against my head where he began to run his own fingers through my hair. Then his hand found my neck, and trailed down to where my kimono met my chest. I shivered excitedly at his touch.

In minutes I was breathless and gasped for air. In that few seconds where the cool air around us cleared my mind, my conscience kicked into full gear. _I shouldn't be doing this._

His lips pulled mine back to his, cutting off my air supply. My heart accelerated as I tried to push the thought away; erase it. I pulled him closer and oneof my legs wrapped absentmindedly around his. He noticed the difference in my aggression and responded appropriately.

_No_. Some random thought exploded in my mind. _This is wrong. I shouldn't be doing this._

I continued kissing him anyway.

_Not for my fiancée's sake, but for Gin's, too. He deserves better than this._

Something clicked in my mind and I slowed. Gin continued.

_He deserves better than what I'm giving him. He doesn't deserve to be led on and then dumped like an animal…_

_But I love him!_ A thought occurred for an argument. I kissed the man in my arms again, pulling him closer….

_Does that really mean anything though? In the end, nothing will change and it won't matter._

The thoughts broke through the wall I was trying to force them behind and crashed against me like waves on rocks.

In the middle of kissing him, I faltered, and then tried to pull away. Unlocking my fingers from his hair, I leaned back, looking into his confused red eyes. He had felt my pause and reacted with me as an ally, not an enemy.

"I-I…" I tried to form a sentence, a simple word, but all I could feel was my heart shattering. Shattering like a crystal vase thrown against a concrete wall. The pieces flew everywhere, and I knew that even if I tried to search for them, some would never be found. They would find their way back to Gin and live with him until I died and even longer still.

My throat closed up as my heart slowed. "I can't do this…" I whispered, barely able to form the words. My hands had dropped to my sides where Gin had taken mine in his. I now pulled my right hand free and reached up to his face. It hovered there, wanting to close the few centimeters between my skin and his, but knowing it would help nothing. My fingers stayed next to the side of his face, trembling in sadness, guilt, and pain.

I lifted my eyes to his, which were bathed in curiosity. I knew what he was thinking: _She pulled me towards her and now she's pushing me away._

In my mind I saw the words I needed to say clear as day. The words I tried to make audible. I searched for them and finally said weakly, "I'm not supposed to love you…" My voice broke on the last two words.

I couldn't stand the way he stared at me. The way he looked into my eyes and mentally said, "You don't really want to do this, do you?"

No. He was right; I didn't want to do this. I wanted to be with him forever, where I could breathe, and live, and be whole. But it couldn't- and wouldn't- last forever. Fate had said otherwise.

I tried to say the words, "I'm sorry," but I couldn't find my voice. Quickly, I turned away from him, not wanting to see his broken face, which would kill me more than my heart already was.

I was on the shore in seconds, gathering my clothes into my arms, trying to hide the tears from him although I could feel they were on the verge of breaking through. _He shouldn't have to know the pain I am going through for him._

As I stood up again to run from the pool, his arms found my waist again. In surprise, my clothes dropped from my arms and fluttered to the ground.

"Stay." He begged with a broken sound.

That was too much. A sob escaped from between my lips and my hands, dripping in pond water and freezing to ice from the wintery air around us, reached up to grasp his arms. He clung to me, trying to prevent my departure.

We stood there for what could have been hours; I wouldn't know. I was too busy breathing him in. Letting me be with him for just a little while longer. To be able to be near him in his arms just a little while longer.

Eventually I whispered, "I have to go." _Not yet!_ My heart begged, not wanting to leave. I ardently hoped I'd be killed as soon as I did leave. That had to be better than feeling what I was feeling now.

Gin's arms tightened around me, but when I tried to break free of his arms, he let me go, only to catch me by the waist and turn me towards him. He pulled me into his body, leaning close to me. His eyes burned through to my soul. I could feel my soul also begin to crack as I thought about what I was about to try to do. There would be no way I would survive. Not after this.

"Please stay." His voice pleaded again. I looked up into his eyes, salt water streaming down my face.

Without warning, Gin leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. His lips were harsh, harsher than the first kiss that night, as if he was determined to convince me to stay with him.

I tried to fight back. This was wrong; it would only cause more pain later. My hand rose to push against his chest in defiance, but Gin paid no mind to what I wanted to do anymore. He continued to kiss me like that, leaving no holes for escape. What was the point in protecting him if he wouldn't let me protect him?

I gave up resisting him and let my hand merely rest where it lay. My lifeless lips became animated, and, to his glee, I kissed him back. The irrational part of my brain won.

This kiss, this final kiss between us- I knew it would be our last; we were out of time- broke all the rules. All the strictly-enforced rules Mother had set for me to follow as a "lady". This kiss broke them entirely. And as my lips moved with his in unison, I felt _free_. It was a different free than whenever I was in his presence. The free I felt with him was the kind where I could laugh and run and not worry about what tomorrow would bring. This new free took all the rules and threw them out the window. The wedding was a lost thought.

I chuckled softly as I breathed in a precious breath. I knew he was smiling, too. He could feel the same freedom I felt. Like this, we were whole.

We were one being.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. I never will...you get the picture. :)**

**Jan. 04. 08. Sorry this has taken....two weeks to come out. I never expected it to take that long. So here is my excuse: One, I have a system where I write a chapter (future chapter) and then I post a chapter. Well the writing took longer than expected because I had no inspiration. So here it is, finally, a week and a half later than I expected it to come out.**

**Songs I used to write the chapter: "_Pale_" and "_Memories_" by Within Temptation**

**Today is all about chores. Oh lovely. Clean off the desk...got it....post this...got it...scan in some stuff...need to do that...the list goes on. And I'm not in a very good mood. I'm hoping editing will help my mood some. But seriously. I took a look-sie at the traffic this story has gotten in the last two weeks. This is what I saw: 123 hits total. Okay, that's good....112 hits on the first chapter with two reviews. I like that....Then I looked at chapter two. It received _eleven (11)_ hits in two weeks. Can somebody tell me what I'm doing wrong? Please? And could somebody review for this story? I feel like it's getting no love at all. Tell me what you think. What made you laugh, etc. Please???**

**For those of you who are reading, please enjoy chapter 3.**

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**Caged Lark- Chapter 3**

It took weeks to wake up again.

Even as I stared into the standing mirror, though, I was not complete. Not awake. I touched the satin ribbon around my neck which held the locket I wore. The locket was a simple shape with the family name upon its bronze surface.

Early morning light streamed in through the window, highlighting golden streaks through my brown hair, tied up in a design so exquisite I never would have thought it was possible. The curtains which hung sadly in front of the window swayed in the soft breeze. In the corner of the room, in front of another large window, a wire birdcage stood on top of an old table carved from wood. A white bird roosted, its head under its wing in a peaceful sleep. I could hear the people chattering below in the courtyard, happily talking amongst themselves. They were in a mood as pleasant as the weather. The cold winter sun did nothing to help my mood, even though it was bright and cheery. The scent of lilacs and roses rose with the wind and were carried into my room. The scent should have lifted me up, but it did not. I felt as empty as ever as I stared at my reflection without seeing.

A large white veil hung down from my hair. I would eventually place it over my eyes to guard myself from what I did not want to face head-on. I wore half of Seretei's makeup on my eyes alone. The other half was painted across the rest of my face. A too-poofed up frilly dress hung from my body, flaring out mid-thigh in flowers, ribbons, and lace. My elbow-length gloves were pure lace, made from the finest lace anywhere in Soul Society.

None of that mattered though. Just standing here felt like an effort that should be rewarded. At any time I felt as if I would drop to my knees and sob. Even then it would not be enough to rid my chest of the aching hole which filled the space where my heart should be. I knew this wouldn't help anything because I had already tried. Several times. The only thing that would do would be to ruin my makeup and create dark rivers of mascara down my cheeks.

I looked into unseeing eyes, a silvery-blue color, seeing the future that awaited me. I had tried not to look into them, fearing a break-down would occur. The hole in my chest where my heart had disappeared pained me as if I just received a sledge-hammer swung full force there. The pain had not dulled at all even after these last three weeks.

A loud knock at my door did not surprise me. I did not even remove my eyes from the reflected image. Without waiting for an answer, the doors opened wide and Rangiku burst through, not bothering to shut them behind her.

"Everyone's waiting for you, Karin-chan!" she sang. Her normally eccentric personality was worse today than most days. She had been somewhat like this since I asked her to be my bridesmaid, but today was much, much worse. I winced. "Isn't it a beautiful day?" she exclaimed with a sigh. "Perfect weather! And I thought for sure that it would be snowing, too." She skipped to the window and placed her hands against the sill, leaning out the window and into the breeze. "Didn't you think that?" She turned to face me, her bright eyes sparkling and shining. Her disposition was like the sun: nothing could put it out.

I didn't hear the question, but I did look away from the mirror to meet her eyes. I needed to put my mask of indifference back on before anybody noticed.

"Sure," I replied, my voice sounding fragile and soft.

Rangiku frowned and I recognized my mistake. My voice never sounded like that. I knew immediately that I didn't convince her in the slightest. "It's a new day, you're getting married to a great guy, and you're pouting about someone you can't have?"

That hit me hard. I could feel the tears welling up behind the mascara and liner. "It's not like that." My voice broke to nearly a whisper as I shook my head. My eyes dropped to the ground. The ground was a safe place to look. It didn't look back at me with a disapproving face or judgemental eyes. Nothing there reminded me of him or the wedding.

I heard Rangiku sigh as she crossed the room to my side. Next thing I knew, a tissue was being dabbed at my eyes to capture the tears before they could escape.

"Look, okay?" She said softly. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just that you should be happy for what you have." She tried to comfort me. She handed me the tissue so that I could continue myself. "Plus, I've heard that if you stop thinking about him, it'll get easier for you." She looked down at me soothingly. "Time heals everything."

I didn't answer. My fists were balled up tightly, the tissue clenched inside. Could I do that? Not think about him? Was it even possible? I didn't know, but I had to try. I had to keep living. Rangiku was right. Time was moving on, and I would have to keep up to get anywhere in life. I had to keep moving forward.

I knew the pain would be excrutiating at first, but maybe it would get easier with time. I both hoped it would and wouldn't. I still wanted him, but like she said…_I couldn't have him._

I sighed, not looking into her eyes. "You're right," I said softly as I crossed the room to the birdcage. As I opened the door to the cage, the movement and sound awakened the bird and he looked at me with its beady black eyes. Slowly, as to not startle it, I let my hand move into the cage and let it pause before the bird. It looked at my extended hand for a moment, cocking its head to the side in curiosity before extending a leg to clasp onto my finger. I pulled the bird out, shutting the cage behind me. I stroked him gently. Rangiku even walked over to me and let one of her fingers run down its back.

"Karin…?" She asked slowly obviously worried for my mental state of mind. I didn't blame her.

I had always felt sorry for the poor bird. It was locked up in a gloomy cage all the time in the same room. It never left the cage except on special occasions. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't be with Gin, I couldn't be free, but maybe the bird could. Maybe I could give it its freedom. It could stretch its wings and fly away from the cage that had held it captive for so long.

"Are you okay?" Rangiku asked in a slow voice, careful not to disturb this new peaceful state-of-mind I had found with the bird.

I turned away from her and pulled the drapes away from the window. I leaned my body over the sill like Rangiku had done earlier and stretched my hand out of the open window. The bird hesitated, unsure whether to go or stay. As gently as I could I tossed him into the air. Instinctively his wings opened and he took flight. I watched him fly away from me.

"I'm fine," I smiled back at her politely, hoping it looked real. I knew it didn't touch my eyes. "Or I will be at least. Let's go."

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The wedding march reached my ears as my heart hammered in my chest. Rangiku, who stood in front of me, turned around with a wide grin on her face. "Nervous?" She asked.

"I-I'm not sure…" I replied, watching as the doors opned to us. "I've thrown up a couple of times. Does that count?"

She smiled. "Sure." She said before she began the short walk down the aisle.

I followed a few beats later. All eyes were on me. Even his- the man waiting for me at the alter, Natsu Matsuoka. We had only met once before, but I knew he was a nice man, and one who had military status: he was the lieutenant of sixth squad.

The way he looked at me was odd; I had never been looked at that way before. His smile showed terrific exuberance, like he was the luckiest man in the world. He was beaming. His eyes, however held something else…hope maybe?

His dark hair was slicked back, his face crinkling with his smile. He wore nice clothing as well, but my dress was more exquisite. I knew he came from a nice well-to-do family. He wasn't part of the four royal houses, but he was born and raised in Seretei. My inheritance would likely support us, however. Just because his family was nice and he had a higher-ranking job did not mean he had good money that came with it.

I reached him and he took my hand. His coarse palms were warm. We turned to face the official. My expression was a kind of masked horror. His was wonderful joy. I didn't want to bring his mood down with me- he seemed too kind of a person- so I tried to distract my mind from the pain.

Our lines reached our ears, bringing me back to the present. Right as I was about to speak, Gin's face entered my mind. A coal-hot arrow pierced through my heart and I was barely able to say, "I do." It came out a whisper. My soft, broken voice didn't even compare to Natsu's whose was strong and confident. His deep voice shook the room and reverberated in the ears of all who heard him. His voice could never be forgotten; it demanded attention. Until the day I died I knew I would never forget his voice.

As he leaned down to kiss me, I braced myself, but stood on my tip-toes to reach him- to meet him halfway. As soon as this was done, I would be wed and I would not be able to even think of Gin anymore. I would be confined in my thoughts, but if I didn't think of him at all, it would be for the best.

Natsu's lips were gentle, soft, careful. It seemed almost as if he was afraid to kiss me or didn't want to kiss me.

We pulled away slowly to face our friends and family and walk back down the aisle together. Natsu and I: together. Not Gin and I- _no!_ _No more thoughts of him._ I couldn't do that any more.

I spotted my mother in the first row of people, my elder sister next to her. Mother had stood and began clapping, a wide smile on her relatively-young face. Sakura's face, however, was puckered slightly as if she was worried about something, but I didn't pay attention to her.

Natsu led me down the aisle and outside. I was in a dream-like state of mind. Children threw grains of rice at us and our audience followed us outdoors, still clapping and cheering behind us. It was a special event for someone of shinigami status to be married at all. Much less to be married to someone parallel to noble rank. My family was not one of the four royal houses, but two steps below.

My new husband surprised me when he whisked me into his arms. He carried me into the courtyard for the reception, walking away from the house. Walking away from what used to be.

* * *

**It really does get a lot better...I was having an off-day when I wrote this chapter (about 3 months ago). So when I typed it up, I tried to re-do it, and this is the end result.**

**Please review!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: *wedding march* Dum dum de-dum! Dum dum de-dum! See, if I owned Bleach I would be married to Gin already. Since I am not, that only proves I do not own the series. *cries***

**Jan. 05. 08. Wow. Two chapters in two days! That's awesome! I'm only doing this, however, because school starts tomorrow and I probably won't get out another chapter until at least the weekend. I actually thought I had two more days of break and that school started back on Wednesday. So I was going to update on Tuesday. Last night I found out it starts on Tuesday. So the chapter came today. It's a lot shorter than my other chapters (I've been averaging about 2,300 words per chapter and this one is about 300 words less.) but it's another cruicial chapter. Chapter 5 is a lot more fun. Promise!**

**I'm currently breathing in a hoard of perfume and the room is spinning...! Whee!!!**

**Oh! And thank you to the people who read and reviewed for chapter 3. When I saw your review and the hits, it made my day.**

**Caged Lark- Chapter 4**

I gagged into the toilet, the remains of my breakfast coming up fast and burning my throat. The stench filled the air. Natsu flushed the toilet, leaning around me, but it did no good. Only more of the bile followed. Kindly, he held my hair away from my face while I puked.

Leaning my head against the seat, I tried to breathe in and out evenly. The stiff air from the toilet clogged my mind, not letting any thoughts remain except for the vomit that circulated in the pipes around us.

My now-empty stomach growled.

"You think it's done?" Natsu asked. His deep voice was like a mosquito in my ear. My stomach moved and I was gagging into the bowl again. His large hand stroked the back of my head soothingly, relaxing me.

After the dry-heaving was finished, I breathed in a few deep breaths. "I-I think so…" I replied quietly, the after-shakes beginning. Natsu shut the lid on the toilet before taking a cloth and wiping my face.

"Are you going to the doctor?" He asked before picking my small body into his arms bridal style and walking me into the bedroom. He laid me down gently on the futon.

I nodded before saying weakly, "I'm going to try and go today."

He sat on the edge of the bed, taking my hand in his and stroking the back of it with his thumb. "Would you like for me to go with you?"

"N-no." I shook my head. The idea was hideous. "You've missed enough work already because of me. I can ask Sakura-chan to come by." _Yeah right_.

He nodded in agreement. "That's a good idea. This has been happening for so long it's gotten me worried."

I smiled, trying to reassure him. This all started just days after our wedding; he'd been worried about me since, even missing some days of work just to stay home and take care of me. Some honeymoon."It's probably just a stomach flu. Don't worry." But then again, what stomach flu lasted for two weeks? None I'd ever heard of. He seemed to believe it, though.

He returned the smile. "Alright," he leaned down to kiss my clammy forehead before rising and tying his zanpakuto to his obi. "Take care of yourself, okay? I'll stop by Sakura-chan's house and relay your message."

All I could do was smile and nod; the horror twisted my stomach so badly I thought new vomit might slip through my teeth if I tried to speak. Natsu didn't see the horror on my face, thankfully, and left.

I stayed in that same position, my already-sensitive stomach tying itself into knots. Firstly because I knew that if Sakura couldn't come, then Mother would most likely come. And secondly, I thought I already knew why I was so sick. If Mother came along, there would be no way I could keep it from Natsu. If Sakura came, though, I still had a chance of keeping it a secret from him.

I thought back to our first few days by ourselves after the wedding. I had figured out what was up with me and was trying to muster enough courage to tell him.

* * *

_I looked myself dead in the eyes; the reflection in the mirror was contorted in a grimace. It was if I could feel it there, like extra weight strapped onto me._

_You're not actually sure that's what it is__, the voice in the back of my mind tried to convince me. __You may actually have the stomach flu…_

_My stomach twisted at the thought. I could feel the bile's taste in the back of my throat. 'Not likely.' The rational voice replied._

_I sighed, continuing to stare myself down. This was horrible. Horrible! How could it…?_

_But I knew exactly how. A memory of Gin flashed across my eyes and my stomach twisted into more knots as a result. Before I could toss up my dinner, I leaned over the sink to splash water over my face. Cool, clear water. That cleared my head; it allowed me to think straight._

_I wiped my face without allowing any water to drip off. I needed to tell him…I needed to tell Natsu before too much time passed. But how? The cloth stayed over my mouth and I breathed Natsu's scent in, allowing it to settle in my memory._

_I stood there under the bathroom lights for a long moment, my eyes closed. _

_Footsteps approached and I opened my eyes to look into the mirror. Natsu approached from behind me. A small smile graced my lips. He could sneak up on me if he wanted to. He was probably just being considerate. As I looked at his face, clean-shaven and angular, my heart dropped slightly. He wasn't who I wanted to see._

_I realized this and quickly shunned the memory from my thoughts. Even so, I could feel my heart ripping itself apart. Tears welled, but I choked them back down._

"_Hey," I greeted in a light voice- I couldn't allow it to break._

_He placed his large hands on my shoulders and as he neared me, they slid down to my waist to pull me close to his body. "You are so beautiful," He spoke in my ear, his lips brushing softly against it. A blush spread across my cheeks. Kind eyes gazed at me lovingly from the depths of his soul. What could be the word to describe them…? I returned his gaze, looking away from his hands, and set down the cloth. I placed one hand on his arms and one against the side of his face. He was too kind to me. "I'm so lucky you're mine." Then he added, "I must be the luckiest man in the entire expanse of Soul Society."_

_No. Not that. How should I tell him? His words tore new holes into my being. Gin's absence wasn't enough. Apparently the great beings above just wanted to see how much damage I could sustain before I died._

"_I really want to get to know you. To form an honest, true relationship with you. Just the two of us and no one else. I don't want our relationship to be based solely on how we _fittogether, _you know_?" _He whispered the words into my hair, his green eyes glowing with admiration._

_The words to tell him got stuck in my throat and disappeared. Where did my resolve to tell him flee to? I needed to tell him, to be the honest girl he thought I was!_

_But the words were nowhere to be found as butterflies fluttered in the pit of my stomach. I just couldn't. I couldn't break him._

* * *

I blinked at the ceiling above me as I remembered that day in a single fleeting moment. My resolve since then had worsened. Every day his love for me grew, and every day I let him down more and more. I needed to tell him. I _had_ to!

My memory returned to those adoring, loving green eyes….

But I couldn't. He believed me to be pure. He believed me to be his and only his. If he knew my secret, all this would vanish in a snap. What would happen then? What would he think of me then? He would know I wasn't his, mentally or physically, and he would know I wasn't his "pure, innocent wife". He would think of himself as a fool for ever thinking of himself as being "lucky to have me." I didn't want to hurt him. What else would click into place if I told him? What else about me would be ruined for him? How much else would he figure out about me? What would happen if he knew everything?

This was why my resolve wavered.

_I can't tell him…_

_I _have_ to tell him. _The more rational voice in the back of my head retorted.

I laid there for hours, lost in my own battle, my eyes fixed on the ceiling above me before a knock at the door reached my ears.

Sakura or Mother? Either way would be horrible. Especially if it was Mother. She would…her reaction would be worse than Natsu's- if he ever found out. Twenty score worse. My stomach twisted into hard knots and the knock came again. Doom fell like a heavy weight in the pit of my stomach. I stared at the door in horror before deciding it would be better to get this over with now rather than later. Sakura would never let me forget it if she had to let herself in only to find I could walk perfectly well.

Fighting the urge to hide under the blankets, I rolled out of bed and stumbled a few times as I walked towards the door. I finally reached it and gripped the door's handle tightly. My hand visibly shook.

I forced myself to slide the door aside and look at the person waiting for me to answer.

"There you are!" Rangiku exclaimed happily, her short curls bouncing around her face. The cold wind blew suddenly, blowing the pink scarf around her neck into her face. As she tried to remove it so she could see me properly, she continued. "Sakura-chan sent a message to me and asked me to go with you. Your mother is forcing her and the boys to spend the day with her." She smiled with a sigh as the scarf behaved and did what she wanted.

Relief washed through my veins, drowning me. My legs began to shake, and I nearly collapsed. Rangiku, however, caught me. "Careful!" As she helped me to regain my balance she continued. "Let's get you ready, huh?"

* * *

**For those of you creating a mental timeline, it's been five weeks since chapter two (since she left Gin). In those five weeks, Karin was married (three weeks after leaving Gin), and two weeks after getting married, we find her here, about to go to the doctor over a 'stomach flu'. So five weeks has been fit into two chapters. Thankfully, the time isn't going to jump around quite so drastically for the next few chapters. **

**And yes, Natsu is talking about sex when he says, **_"I don't want our relationship to be based solely on how we _fittogether, _you know_?" **I just couldn't write that in because my mom and sister were nearby... **

**Argh! The perfume is really burning the back of my throat! If you don't want me to zap the smell to you to burn your nose and throat I would suggest that you review. Pwease...?**


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